I've been trying so hard maybe too hard,
to forget all about you...
It was easier than I thought...
at least when I didn't see you..
But now you're back.
You missed me...couldn't take the time away from me..
so you came back for more...
just as I knew you would..
I just want to know why I can't say no to you..
I want to be your everything
more than anything in this world...
I don't know why I feel so strongly toward you..
but it's so painful..
I lay in bed at night thinking of no one but you..
I wake up thinking about you..
I just wanted to know if this was also the hardest thing you've done.
Or if your perfectly fine with it..
It was like you read my mind...
you told me this situation sucks and you think about me all the time..
You just give me so much false hope..
I can't get certain things you say out of my head
they replay over and over like a movie in my head..
you told me,
"I think she wants time apart"
What does that mean?
Does that mean I'll finally get to be your one and only?
Or will you leave me to go back home?
It's a never ending circle though,
if you leave you'll still talk to me..
God what do I do?!
The past two nights ive felt so alone.
I wallowed in my sorrow
and drowned it in cheap vodka.
I've never felt that alone..
The looks in your eyes when you have to go are so sad.
I know you never want to leave.
I know you want to stay by my side..
but wanting to and doing so are two different things..
You told me you were sorry you were still there,
i told you it was okay.
but it's really not..
it's taking everything out of me not to break down and cry..
everytime you break a promise...
Or tell me we might be able to hang out...
I wait alll day for that phone call..
it always came before..
but now it doesn't come as often.
She's your main priority but for some reason I try my hardest not to think about you two.
I just can't face the truth..
Im trying to talk to other guys...
but none of them give me the feeling you do..
they don't make me smile the way you do.
they don't do anything they way you do..
You are who I want to be with.
But waiting and thinking
will I ever be with him?
is too hard.
I'm not strong enough for this i feel like im falling into pieces.
i just don't know.
sincerely,
the girl who is dying to love you
