"Breathing is a Foreign Task and Thinking is Just too Much to Ask (Dashboard Confessional)

Oh dear love of mine,
It sure has been awhile since I've wrote to you. Not that that means that you're no
longer apart of my life. You're more of my life than anything now.

Something awful happen. I lost my other half. She left without notice.
And when it made me fall you weren't even there to catch me.
You found out the next day, and you should've seen your face..
Just like it hit you. that you aren't around me enough.

You of all people should have been there when i lost her.
You should have been at the funeral holding my hand. telling me it was okay.
Instead you left me to do it all alone.

We've talked i've told you how i feel a little more..
you even told me you were inlove with me..

But why do I still feel like our relationship will never flourish?
Why do i feel as if it'll be a flower in bloom for years to come?

I've realized nothing can rip you from her, as you even said you'll just apologize.
And just wait until she catches us again...just wait until she finds something..
and all of a sudden your apologizing..
It won't be like last time, I won't be so understanding..
Honestly I'll probably cry my eyes out right infront of you..

I've told you ALMOST how unhappy I am. You really have no idea though.
How it feels to be second best to the person that you care about the most.
Everyone my age is so immature, i talk to none of them at school.

I sit in the lunchroom alone thinking about you..
Wishing I could atleast think about how i'll see you after school..
but I wont...
that would make the school day so much more bearable.

Being at school doesn't take my mind from you at all if anything it makes it worse.
I can only think about you seeing all these happy couples walk around.
and i wonder why can't that be us?

You told me you'd take my to prom, i really hope thats not going to end
up being a broken promise.
You ruined my prom last year please don't do it again..

I just hope you know how much I love you and want you in my life.
I'd do anything to be with you right now and forever....

I am so deeply and desperatly in love with you <33

Sincerely,

 

the girl whose dying to love you



"Hope Dangles On A String Like Slow Spinning Redemption Winding in and Winding Out The Shine Of it Has Caught My Eye and roped Me In" (Dashboard Confessional)

Oh dear love of mine, 


I've been trying so hard maybe too hard,
to forget all about you...

It was easier than I thought...
at least when I didn't  see you..

But now you're back.
You missed me...couldn't take the time away from me..
so you came back for more...
just as I knew you would..

I just want to know why I can't say no to you..
I want to be your everything
more than anything in this world...
I don't know why I feel so strongly toward you..

but it's so painful..
I lay in bed at night thinking of no one but you..

I wake up thinking about you..

I just wanted to know if this was also the hardest thing you've done.
Or if your perfectly fine with it..

It was like you read my mind...
you told me this situation sucks and you think about me all the time..

You just give me so much false hope..

I can't get certain things you say out of my head
they replay over and over like a movie in my head..

you told me,
"I think she wants time apart"
What does that mean?

Does that mean I'll finally get to be your one and only?

Or will you leave me to go back home?

It's a never ending circle though,
if you leave you'll still talk to me..

God what do I do?!
The past two nights ive felt so alone.
I wallowed in my sorrow
and drowned it in cheap vodka.

I've never felt that alone..
The looks in your eyes when you have to go are so sad.
I know you never want to leave.

I know you want to stay by my side..
but wanting to and doing so are two different things..

You told me you were sorry you were still there,
i told you it was okay.

but it's really not..
it's taking everything out of me not to break down and cry..
everytime you break a promise...
Or tell me we might be able to hang out...
I wait alll day for that phone call..
it always came before..

but now it doesn't come as often.

She's your main priority but for some reason I try my hardest not to think about you two.
I just can't face the truth..

Im trying to talk to other guys...
but none of them give me the feeling you do..
they don't make me smile the way you do.
they don't do anything they way you do..
You are who I want to be with.
But waiting and thinking
will I ever be with him?
is too hard.
I'm not strong enough for this i feel like im falling into pieces.

i just don't know.

sincerely,

the girl who is dying to love you

"A line of strands to mark the trail, no one said it would be easy, i must admit I thought the risk was better waged in younger seasons." (Dashboard Confessional)

Oh dear love of mine,

I think I'm doing a good job.
I was at work last night but didn't go in.
You made no effort to say hi.

No phone call, you didn't even have her  tell me hi.
Whats wrong with you?

Do you really care that little?
Am I really so stupid?

I'm going to pull myself away from you as much as possible.
You're going to have to do everything if you want to see me
Im going to let you see what it's like to be me.

Maybe you'll just give up.
That'll show me you just didn't care enough or maybe any at all.

But if you're still pulling me in close to you maybe you do care.

or maybe you just want me for your own selfish desires.

This is a giant mystery to me you're the only one that really knows whats going.
And I feel that i'll be the last to know,
and it'll all be some cruel joke in the end.

I just want you to keep your promises to me.

Why do you do this ?

It's like you know you can make me smile and what can wipe my smile clean off my face.
How can you have so much power over me But i literally have no power over anything..

I'm trying hard really hard to take away your power.
I want my life back.
You stole that.
You've stolen everything from me and ran.

Just please keep running and don't come back.

Sincerely, 

The girl dying to love you 

"This is where i say I've had enough, no one should ever feel the way that I feel now. A walking open wound a trophy display of bruises and I don't believe I'm getting any better." (Dashboard Confessoinal)

Oh dear love of mine, 

I give up.
I give up everything. 
I give up the idea you'll ever love me. 
I give up the things we planned to do.
I give up hope.
I give up love.
I give up the little joy I have in life anymore. 


I just feel so hurt right now.
The amazing night we had together....
until she called.
Boy I've never seen you move so fast.
And then to run in there and tell me
"you can't be in my car! she might be coming here!"
you were my ride home....
What would you have done if someone wouldn't have been able to take me home?


You tell her your not lying, and your not doing anything wrong.

Standing there, hearing you say it is like a stab straight through the stomach.
I couldn't take it...
I didn't want to say bye i just wanted to go to leave far far far far away.


imbreakingdown.


intotinypieces the walls are closing in.....

I feel worthless.

NO one should feel this way.

I need to let you go....but you make it so hard.
In my mind I know I just need to move on and leave you to your life.
But part of me knows you'll just suck me back in as soon as your life is all straight.

I feel like you need me when it's convenient for you. 
We have such an amazing time together..
The things you say to me leave me with hope but last night it was different.

"I wish I could pause time" I said longing for him to stay with me
"Then we could be together forever," he told me gazing into my eyes.
I can't stop replaying that moment in my mind.


Does that mean we'll never be together? Unless we can pause time? 


WHAT AM I TO YOU?

absolutely nothing. 


how do i just let you be nothing to me?


I don't know, because right now you're really my everything...
How do you let your everything go?
How do you feel when your nothing to the person that means everything to you?




The bottom line is, it's me or her.

But I'm not going to make you choose. I'll let you do it yourself. 


Simply let you lose me, i want to see if you'll actually let go of me so quickly...

sincerely, 

the  girl who is dying to love you <33

"Love of mine someday you will die but I'll be close behind, I'll follow you into the dark" (Deah Cab for Cutie)

Oh dear love of mine,

 Last night made me realize how out of my life you really are.
Made me realize if something urgent happens I can't just call you.
I could have died last night.
I was in a crash, but you don't even know about it yet...

You might find out about it later today, if you can.

It's just not fair..
I want you to be there next to me..
I want to know that the chances of something happening to me are likely to be with you.
And not alone.
I want to know I have someone to follow me into the dark.

It came out of know were.
The impact felt like an earthquake...
But it really wasn't that bad..
I can remember it all in slow motion though...

It was the scariest thing ever and I couldn''t even call you when i freaked out.

What would you have done if something would have happened to me last night?
You do realize you'd be one of the last to know?
Even though I'd want you to be one of the firsts to know..but that wouldn't happen...

Everything is telling me that I can't keep this going...
That if i keep this going something bad, or even tradegic might happen..

But how do i let you go?
how do you let go of everything you've ever wanted?
how do i do this...someone please help

Sincerely,

the girl dying to love you 

"Do you think that you love me? Cause I do I do Do you want that forever? Cause I do I do" (Dashboard Confessional)

Oh dear love of mine,


People just don't understand.
Your friend is telling me to drop you. To leave you be.
Because he feels bad for her.
You know I kind of do too...but you're the one making the decisions to deceive her.
I am simply a girl whose in love with you..a girl who wants to be with you
make you happy.

But yet I'm the one people are blaming.

I feel like you care so much at certain times.
Then other times I feel like you really could care less.

I feel like you could just let me go so easy without thinking twice.

"You don't have to wait"

That's what you're always telling me.

I feel as if that's something you would only tell me once...unless you want this to be done....
But you just can't do it...

He told me "I think he just wants freedom, and right now that's what you are".
is that true....?

Do I simply represent freedom to you?
Or am i someone you care about and could see yourself in a relationship with?

"Don't lead him on"
What am I leading you onto?
You're the one dragging me around basically by my hair.

I'm just trying to love you.
Give you someone that appreciates you...
after all that's what you said you wanted...
Its just a matter of taking it and holding onto it.

I know there is more than lust to this. I can feel it..
I can feel it in your kiss
In your touch
In your glances at me
Just in the way you say hello to me..

Everything. I can feel the spark.. the connection...
for all of this to be fake means your a very good actor..

It is also something that would make me
H
A
T
E
You.

Please im begging you with every ounce of strength I have
Please please don't let me down..

I don't know how i'd handle it...
I'd be so lost...so hurt...so alone....

Sincerely, 

The girl dying to love you 

"So you see this world doesn't matter to me, I'll give up all I have just to breathe the same air as you til the day that I die, I can't take my eyes off of you."(Secondhand Serenade)

Oh dear love of mine,

 Yesterday was amazing. The best time of my life.
I could have spent the rest of my life in that exact moment.

Yesterday was also awful. The worst time of my life.
I wish I would have never met you.

I can't say that. You mean so much to me it's jsut that I feel as if i mean nothing at all.
Yesterday I gave you a very special part of me.

I shared the moment that was supposed to be the most amazing moment of my life with you.
only for you to tell me

"I wish this was permanent"
and
"one day it will be I just can't tell you how long"

Will it really?
Whats stopping you?

I woke up thinking about you today.
Thats never happened before. You flooded my dreams.
You are all that is on my mind.
You are infecting me.

I'd give up anything to be with you..
My dream last night made me realize that...

If you really wanted to leave the state, and you asked me to go with you.
I never thought I would...
but in my dream I said yes...

Whats better?
seeing you but then not being able to talk to you after you leave?
Or
being able to talk to you as much as I want and never seeing you?

it's getting harder and harder to be away from you I just want to spend all my time with you.
But thats impossible.

Tuesday is our day.
Our only day..

Its hard to only see the person you love once a week.

My question is do you love me too?
You took something from me something i'd only want someone who loved me to have.

But i was too much of a coward to ask you.
To tell you that I love you.

 I can't go through a day or even more than ten minuetes without your face, your smile, just you
going through my head.

I
would give
anything to be with you.

Just keep in mind what you've taken, you have a responsibility not to let me down now.
And I hope you know that...

Sincerely,

The girl dying to love you 

"And I Was Trying To Disapear, But You've Got Me Wrapped Around You, I Can Hardly Breathe Without You" (Secondhand Serenade)

Oh Dear Love Of Mine,

Alls I want to do is go back in time.
I want to change everything.
I want to have never spent any of my precious time with you.
To never have hoped.
To never have believed that you really wanted to be wtih me.
To never have been lied too.
So many promises and false hope.
What are you thinking?
You knew all along you wouldn't stay here for me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

Why do I have to hear it from everyone else?


Part of me feels like you just don't care about me at all.
But the other part of me feels like you care too much to see me hurt.

Either way this hurts the most.
Hearing that you wouldn't stay here for me from everyone but you.

You act like everything is perfectly fine...but it's really not.

I know how this is going to turn out.
I remember you saying you didn't know how this would turn out.
You told me that all you knew is that you wanted me in your life in any way possible.
Even though you say you want that, I know what will happen.
You'll leave me in the dust when I don't want to be drug along anymore.
You'll be stuck here with her.
You'll never leave.
You'll never be with me.
You'll never leave the state.
You'll never be happy.

You're going to live here with her miserably for the rest of your life.

A life that I will eventually have to leave you too.
Because This is the most painful experience I've ever had.


I want to tell you I can't do this anymore....
I want to end it all and never think about you again.
But I can't...
I know it's best for me in the end, it's the less painful way.
But, I feel like I can't leave you alone.
I want to be in your presence I want to be there to talk to you.
I want to feel your touch.
I want to feel your sweet lips upon mine.
I want to feel the passion in your kisses.
Your the sweetest guy i've ever been with.
I can tell you want something more than sex with me.
I can see it in your eyes...
Despite what everyone tells me about you I see through to what you really feel.
I can tell you care for me more than a lot of things.

You just don't have the courage....
The courage to be completely alone.
Even though, you wouldn't be alone at all...
I'd never leave your side...
I'd support you in anything you wanted to do in life.

It's just not fair...

I just think I'll always be here waiting, waiting on soemthing that will NEVER happen.
Whats wrong with me?
How can I wait for something that I know isn't going to happen?
I honestly Dont know.

I just know without talking to you, everything seems so incomplete.
Without waiting for that special day i get to spend time with you, would feel so lonely.
I feel like without you I don't know how to breathe.
I don't know how to do anything.
I especially don't know how to tell you goodbye.

You promised me so many things.
Planned so many things to do with me.
For all of it to mean nothing makes me want to die.
I thought we had something special...
Honestly, while you were there getting something on the side, or whatever you were doing.
I was falling in love.
Falling in love with someone I can never have and someone who doesn't even want me enough to take the leap to be with me..

I'll probably just stay here
Stay here beside you where I can atleast get some of you.
Some is better than none.

Just know,
the closer we get the harder i'm going to fall when you leave me all alone.

Sincerely,

The girl dying to love you

"I know One Day You And I Will Be Free, To Live And Die By Our Own Rules." (Secondhand Serenade)

Oh dear love of mine, 

Hope is something that is very short lived with you.

But it's something I'm learning to let go of. 

For my own sanity.

Otherwise, I'd go crazy every time you told me that you were leaving soon.

I'm telling myself it's all never going to happen. 

You'll always been a million miles away from me.

Literally or not.

Either way your going to leave me here.

All alone.

But something inside of me keeps a little bit of hope.

Thats the part of me I'm trying to kill.

I want to have no hope. 

Because without hope theres nothing to be hurt over when you're never mine.
No one to miss, or dream about..
All I want is to be yours and for you to be mine.
But for some reason it seems to working in the fact that I'm yours but you're not mine.

I just wish one day we could be free to live and die by our own rules. 

I know one day we will be free to live and die by our own rules.

Sincerely,
The girl dying to love you 

"There Is A Secret That We Keep, I Won't Sleep If You Won't Sleep Because Tonight May Be The Last Chance We'll Be Given. We Are Compelled To Do What We Must Do. We Are Compelled To Do What We have Been Forbidden."(Dashboard Confessinoal)

Oh dear love of mine,

The time we get together is bittersweet, it's short but absoloutely amazing.
Staying up late, losing sleep just to hear your sweet voice.
It's just something I do because I really never know when I'll be able to talk to you next.
It's always a mystery. When will you be online?
When will you come up with a clever cover story so you can see me?
I make sure I make every effort possible to talk to you. It's just that when that same effort isn't returned

Sometimes I sit and wonder,
whats he doing right now?

Is he thinking about me?
About the life we could start together?
About the amazing conversations we've had?
About how all he has to do is take a little step and he'll have me forever?

Or

Is he thinking about how much it'll hurt her?
Thinking about how he likes doing whats forbidden?
Thinking about how he just wants to keep me on the side?

It's just so lonesome here.
 No one to talk to.
No one to talk with.
No one at all.
No one but me and my music.
It's all that understands me anymore.

Besides you,
you understand me in every way possible.
But your never there to comfort me through my time of need.

It's just that I miss you.
Not matter what you do to hurt me, I always find myself missing you.
Just wanting you next to me.
Just wanting you to talk to.
Just wanting you to love me.

But what i really don't get is how I can miss someone I've never even spent a night with.

Really there is nothing to miss, because there was never anything there.
Just please, before I tell myself I'm missing out on nothing and move on please tell me what your
planning on doing.
I just want to know.
Either way I don't care I just can't stand being drug along anymore.

Sincerely,

The girl dying to love you 

"You're Owning Up to Nothing and I Wish That I Was Gone, Because You're Not Going Anywhere"(Dashboard Confessional)

Oh dear love of mine, 
How can you be mad at me for having to go?
When you always have to go, you can NEVER stay.
No matter how good of a time we have together, you always have to go home.
I was lucky to have gotten to see you at all today.
Because I'm the one who makes all the effort, we were supposed to talk today too.
But guess who never got online...it wasn't me..
I was checking for your message all day, but it never came.
All day I was thinking,
Maybe she stayed home today
Maybe your asleep
Maybe she came home early
Or
Maybe she caught you.
and it was all over.
Who knows what she'd do.
Who knows what you would do.
Would you make up some excuse and get her to "forgive" you?
Would you own up to what your doing?
Gather the courage to do what YOU want to do?
Pretty sure I know what you'd do.
If I don't know by now then something would be wrong with me.
What I don't get is why I'm still here.
Still waiting
waiting to be with the one person I've wanted all along.
The one person I'll probably never have to hold and love.
But for some reason I keep coming back. You just make me so Happy.
But yet so sad.
More or less sad than anything.
But sometimes I think that little bit of happiness is worth all the sadness that it brings with it.
I don't know.
Just please don't be mad at me, I had to go.
Sometimes I think it's good for you to feel what I have to feel every time you say good bye.
Every time you say good bye and never look back at me.
The way it feels to see you drive off and leave me sitting in the dust.
Or even the way it feels when your about to spend time with me but first you have to call her....call her and lie about what your doing.
We both know this is wrong, but why please tell me why it feel so right.

Sincerely, 

The girl dying to love you

"It's Strange To Be Lost, Yet Still To Belong On The Strings Of a Twisting Line." (Dashboard Confessional)

Oh Dear Love of Mine,
Do you know what it's like to feel like your wasting your time? To feel like everything you've ever wanted is right in front of you but yet out of your grasp? Feel like your being drug along? To feel alone? To feel unappreciated? To feel forgotten? And then to feel that sense of false hope?
That's how I feel everyday.
I just want to know how to tell myself what I want is never going to happen. It'll never be anything but a dream, an amazing dream that I never want to wake from. Spending time with you is rare, but when it occurs it's the most magical experience I've ever experienced. I just want you to hold me for a night, and not have to leave me alone in the cold. Leave me alone and go home to her.
A home that really isn't a home at all. Nothing there feels right to you does it? It's not where you want to spend your life, nor is it who you want to spend your life with.

You may love her, but what your doing is wrong.
Lying, cheating, sneaking around 

That's all your doing is searching for ways to be with me but not break her heart.
I'm sorry to break it to you but there is no easy way to do this
You have two choices, Life a miserable life or Do something that may very well be the hardest thing you've ever done and life a free happy life.
You choose.
I can't wait forever. I can't spend my life waiting for someone whose never going to do anything.

I just want to know, am I waiting for anything? Anything at all?

Or are you just dying to keep me by your side no matter the toll it takes on me?
The pain it causes, the loneliness, the restless nights, the days spent thinking of nothing but you and your sweet touch upon my face?

Please I'm begging you,

Just tell me will there ever be a real us?

Sincerely, 

the girl dying to love you