Alls I want to do is go back in time.
I want to change everything.
I want to have never spent any of my precious time with you.
To never have hoped.
To never have believed that you really wanted to be wtih me.
To never have been lied too.
So many promises and false hope.
What are you thinking?
You knew all along you wouldn't stay here for me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?
Why do I have to hear it from everyone else?
Part of me feels like you just don't care about me at all.
But the other part of me feels like you care too much to see me hurt.
Either way this hurts the most.
Hearing that you wouldn't stay here for me from everyone but you.
You act like everything is perfectly fine...but it's really not.
I know how this is going to turn out.
I remember you saying you didn't know how this would turn out.
You told me that all you knew is that you wanted me in your life in any way possible.
Even though you say you want that, I know what will happen.
You'll leave me in the dust when I don't want to be drug along anymore.
You'll be stuck here with her.
You'll never leave.
You'll never be with me.
You'll never leave the state.
You'll never be happy.
You're going to live here with her miserably for the rest of your life.
A life that I will eventually have to leave you too.
Because This is the most painful experience I've ever had.
I want to tell you I can't do this anymore....
I want to end it all and never think about you again.
But I can't...
I know it's best for me in the end, it's the less painful way.
But, I feel like I can't leave you alone.
I want to be in your presence I want to be there to talk to you.
I want to feel your touch.
I want to feel your sweet lips upon mine.
I want to feel the passion in your kisses.
Your the sweetest guy i've ever been with.
I can tell you want something more than sex with me.
I can see it in your eyes...
Despite what everyone tells me about you I see through to what you really feel.
I can tell you care for me more than a lot of things.
You just don't have the courage....
The courage to be completely alone.
Even though, you wouldn't be alone at all...
I'd never leave your side...
I'd support you in anything you wanted to do in life.
It's just not fair...
I just think I'll always be here waiting, waiting on soemthing that will NEVER happen.
Whats wrong with me?
How can I wait for something that I know isn't going to happen?
I honestly Dont know.
I just know without talking to you, everything seems so incomplete.
Without waiting for that special day i get to spend time with you, would feel so lonely.
I feel like without you I don't know how to breathe.
I don't know how to do anything.
I especially don't know how to tell you goodbye.
You promised me so many things.
Planned so many things to do with me.
For all of it to mean nothing makes me want to die.
I thought we had something special...
Honestly, while you were there getting something on the side, or whatever you were doing.
I was falling in love.
Falling in love with someone I can never have and someone who doesn't even want me enough to take the leap to be with me..
I'll probably just stay here
Stay here beside you where I can atleast get some of you.
Some is better than none.
Just know,
the closer we get the harder i'm going to fall when you leave me all alone.
Sincerely,
The girl dying to love you
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